What is my Identity

    In this post I want to look at the parts of my identity that mean the most to me. First, my hobbies are a big part of me (at least some of them). I love Pokémon card collecting and will talk your ear off about all of the different aspects of it if you let me. Having this hobby allows me to connect with others over a topic that I have a deep understanding of. In the same vein I also really love video games and think that they are a part of who I am because they allow me to thinking about scenarios that I wouldn't have thought of. For example, how would I act if I got a giant ranch of silly little slimes and how would I treat them? (The answer is having ranches of no more than 7 slimes per enclosures because I feel bad if they look too crowded. I also make sure they all have their favorite food and toys) Second, my desire for work life balance is a big part of me. I am not a career motivated person, so understanding that allows me to find the things that do make me want to go to work. Lastly, my relationship is a big part of me. I know total shocker that the relationship I talk about whenever I get the chance makes me me. But seriously this relationship really does mean so much and I wouldn't be the person I am now without it. Before I started dating I was a massive mess and definitely not happy, however he helped me be ok with parts of myself I don't like and allows me to share even the cringy parts of myself without judgement. 

What makes me an adult?

    Being an adult is different for every person. In this post I wanted to explore that comparing what goals I need to hit to feel like an adult versus what goals my boyfriend has.

    For me there are 3 main ones. First, being finically independent. My whole life I have hated just taking money for no reason, so having a job and earning all the money I have would make me feel very grown up. Second, is buying things that I don't want to. I dislike spending money on things that aren't fun like medicines and bills, so paying for them even if I don't want to makes me feel mature. Lastly, taking care of something and having it thrive makes me feel like an adult. For this I am think like having a cat that is well feed, healthy, happy, and comfortable. Being able to help a creature thieve makes me feel mature. Something to note is that I don't feel like an adult. 

    For my boyfriend, first he said the fitting into the stereotypical attributes of adults like owning a credit card, having a car, and having a job. "its the box, its the label" is the reason those things make him feel like an adult. Second, is doing things he doesn't want to do even though he knows they are good for him. The reason he feels like this is because not doing those tasks makes him feel childish. Lastly, was buying 240 volt appliance like a fridge or stove. "It's a big purchase and implies that you have your own place and are using the appliance to facilitate living." He does feel like an adult. 

Identity Week

    So although there wasn't a lesson this week, I still think there was interesting insight displayed this week. It was fascinating to see how we all got the same broad topic but all had such vastly different presentations. I kind of feel like I missed a chance to reflect on myself because I choose to look more at research, which makes me kind of sad. It would have been far more interesting to look at what I would consider major parts of my identity and analyze how I discovered those parts of myself. So for this post I wanted to do a mini version of that.

    A major part of who I am that I am a cat lover. Starting around high school, I became so intrigued by cats due to their cute, playful, and silly nature. Right now I have 1 cat (my mom has 3 and we live in the same house so its kind of 4 actually) and when I move to my own place with my boyfriend, I plan on getting 1 more. In the far far future I would also like to foster cats and give them a nice comfortable home until they find a better one. Now how did I find this out about myself? Well I really started to notice when I when away for college for the first time and noticed how lonely I would get without the cats around. Then covid hit and I was stuck in limbo for 8 months because I couldn't finish my degree and I was at home developing mental health problems. The cats at home were a massive positive influence in such a terrible time. By that point it became crystal clear that my love for cats and how much they help me became a part of who I am. 

The Big Sad

    We all have problems or moments in our life that are difficult to handle. This week we learned that people can deal with them in two main ways which are externally and internally. Back in 2020 I (like most people at the time) had so serious mental health issues. It was mostly internalizing issues as I had extreme anxiety (I had a hard time telling a waiter what I wanted to eat at restaurants) and while never confirmed bad depression. Although this was really bad, I am glad that not much of it show up externally with actions like drinking, drug use, or financial trouble. Something that helped a lot during that time was my cat Mari (and Mister but him just because he was a little baby). She is such a cuddly sweet girl who would stay with me napping all day and purr the whole time. 

Religion and Values

    Religion has always been a complicated topic to me as I grew up going to church every Sunday, but never really felt anything while there. I used to spend the time at church doodling on scrap paper and thinking about random things because the messages being told didn't really make sense to me. While some were just topics I didn't understand like don't cheat on your partner or betraying your family, others I understood, but they just did make sense. As I got older I had more chances to get into religion, but when I tried it just felt wrong. I took a confirmation class and right before it ended and we were "official members of the church" they said that if we had any doubts we shouldn't do it. I had doubts but felt so much pressure to go through with it that I did and during the welcoming ceremony I felt guilty and bad. After that point I decided that it just wasn't for me because I just really didn't agree with some of the messages from the church (During that class we were told that to be good christens we needed to bring more people to the church and donate whenever we could. I didn't like the idea of bringing more people in because they might not want to and you shouldn't force this kind of stuff onto them). I also had a hard time believing in a god who "has a plan for you" and then makes shitty stuff happen. I would hear stories of people who never really had any good things in their life and thought "What did they do deserve all this negativity in life". This kind of bothered me when my mom was going through cancer and people would say they would pray for us. I know its just a kind "thinking of you" gesture, but to me this was meaningless because praying won't change science and nature. 

    

    As of now I don't think that there is an almighty creator or god that watches over us, but I still hope that there is a happy afterlife. I always imagined it as a place where you can relive your memories with loved ones and find cool statics about your life like how many times you ate your favorite meal or who secretly had a crush on you in middle school. I try to live my life by just being a good person and treating other how I would want to be treated or respecting their wishes as long as it doesn't make me do something I don't want to do. We shouldn't need an onlooker judging our actions to be nice, we should do it because it makes life just a little bit nicer for you and others. 

    

Digital Native

    I am not really sure how I fit into the category of "digital native" as I really an bad with technology. Sure growing up I used it, but if I didn't know how to do something I hadn't done before, I wouldn't be able to do it at all. It took me until I was in middle school to learn how to set up a gaming system that attaches to the tv and even now I call the the HDMI port/cord the HGMI port/cord. On the other hand, while I still struggle with learning new technology, once I get a lesson in how to use it I can do tasks fairly well. At the very least I know how to use different messaging apps, word/ppt, and maybe just a little bit of the adobe suite. 

    My grandpa (who is in his 80's and needs hearing aids) is defiantly not a digital native. He really is trying his best to learn how to use technology, but he doesn't know how to do regular non Facebook messenger messaging and struggles a lot with get his portal to work between him and his sister in Washington. My mom often has to help him with his devices and she comes to me afterward and we have a little laugh about some of his problems like understanding verification texts

More Than a Job

    Man at the moment jobs are so scary to me. I graduate in 3 months which means I need a job as soon as possible. I have tried looking online for jobs, and it has not gone well, it has been a lot of hearing nothing or hearing too soon and researching the company to see that they are kind of shady. The next thing I want to try is getting a job at my mom's company. I like how the company treats their employees which makes me feel really motivated to try and get a job there. Not only that, but the work is to make employee benefit packages which is compiling information on the different benefits that a company offers and putting it into an understandable format for their employees. One of the personal goals for me is helping people. I have always been kind of unsure what exactly I want to do, but the one constant has been to help people or make people happy. My mom is also well liked by the company and she is planning on leaving her current position soon so it might be good if they see copy and paste me to replace her. 

    In a perfect world with no requirements of having a job to live, I would want to spend my time as a housewife. It's very 50's of me to say, but homemaking is what I am good at. Since I was little I have been doing housework so those are the skills I feel the most confident in. I also really enjoy doing things for my boyfriend. He does so much to support me, so when I can cook him a real meal (not a microwaved one) or make sure his work clothes are clean, I feel like I am showing him the same support he shows me.

Marriage

    Marriage is something as a kid I didn't think about much, but once I turned 20 it took over my thoughts. My younger cousin was starting to talk about getting engaged to his high school sweetheart, I felt like I was behind, so clearly the thing I have to do is set up an online dating profile while he was talking. Thinking back on this event, it reminds me of the "deadline of 30" that we talked about in class. There was a pressure I created for myself that I needed to be on track to reach this milestone. But now I don't feel the same pressure that I did before. The reason I feel more relaxed is because after being in a good relationship for a while I don't feel like I need marriage to show my love and feel loved.  I would love for it to happen and I am 99.99% sure that it will happen but at this point if it happens after 30 I am ok with that. 

    Since I am talking about the theme of marriage, I just wanted to put some concerns for my future wedding out. Theme is going to be one of the hardest things to figure out because there needs to be a good balance between our hobbies and what makes sense to people outside the hobby. For example we both love Pokémon but if it was a Pokémon themed wedding, it would be confusing and unenjoyable for the people not familiar with the franchise. I also worry that it will be taken over by either what I want or what he wants. It's important to me that we share the day so that it is enjoyable for both of us. When my mom was married my dad had no input in the wedding (by his own choice) and it made her feel like she was taking over the day. I don't want that, but I am not sure when to give and when to take of what I want. 

Relational Conflict

    In this weeks class we examined relational conflict and how it can affect our relationships. While listening in class I was comparing what I heard to how I handle conflict in my relationship with my boyfriend. I am very happy say that we don't often have conflicts bad enough to stay mad at each other. We both don't want to other person to be punished for whatever the disagreement was, so we talk though the problem to figure out what when wrong, how it made us feel, and what we can do to prevent it from happening again. Doing this really helps us understand each others feelings and move past problems quickly. We don't even have to follow the rule of "don't go to bed angry" because our fights never last that long. However when we do fight its often because of money. I don't have a job and he does so I am kind of stingy and he isn't. I make a big deal about getting the cheapest grocery option when the difference between that and name brand is 50 cents. But we always talk through problems and it turns out fine in the end.  

Parents

    This week had a lot of cool insight into how relationships with parents work. I wasn't aware how common my relationship development with my mom was based on the chapter. In this post I wanted to talk my relationship with my mom and why I think it developed the way it did.

    Starting with my relationship, I am more friends with my mom. Thinking about why this happened I think it started around 2015 or 2016 when my mom got cancer. I think this was the time that she stopped thinking of me as a kid and rather a teen with mature thoughts and emotions. She didn't have many close friends at the time so she needed a friend more than a worried daughter, so that when the relationship changed. We spent most of her treatment times joking around and trying to just find something fun or funny about the situation. After the cancer was gone our relationship stayed the same. Until I started dating I would talk with her everyday and play video games (animal crossing and Stardew valley) together when I was away at school. We are fairly close now and openly talk about things from medical issues, job/school drama (I know ALL about her complex relationship with her boss), family events, and even sexual topics (I have issues with that sometimes and its nice to have someone to talk about those issues with). After dating (and taking on a full load of classes) I don't talk to her as much, but normally it's one or two times a week for an hour to three hours. 

(Our favorite villagers from animal crossing. Hers is apple mine is coco)

Week 15 Post

    So we have reached the end. Last week of classes. Time to reflect. 

    There was a lot of interesting topics that we covered in this class. One of my favorites to learn about was vocalics. It's something that after learning about, I noticed that my boyfriend and I did a lot of it when communicating with each other. I knew we did some, but I didn't know just how many there were. For example, when I want his attention when he isn't looking I will whine at him with increasing volume. So it was fun to see vocalics in my personal life. 

    I also didn't know about proxemic communication, so that was interesting to see what mine says about me. I don't really like being near people if I can't help it. This is really noticeable when I am in lines because I try to give the people ahead of me at least a foot or two. My hope is that I am showing respect for the others person's space because I don't know how comfortable they are with distance however, I am worried it comes across as standoffish and rude. But I'm probably just thinking about it too much and "finding" things that aren't really there. 

 

Week 13 Post

    In this week we looked at the nonverbals of smell and time. One of the aspects we talked about that was really interesting to me was "signature scent". It sounds like it would just be the perfume or cologne you wear, but its more complex than that. It is ALL of you smell. Deodorants, body washes, hair products, lotions, natural body smells, clothes, and even food if you are around it often enough. An example of this food smell is when my uncle worked at an ice cream shop, he would come home smelling like soft serve until he showered. I mean to me that sounds nice, and I am sure you can think of your own example of this. 

    We also talked about how smells have a link to memories. I have an interesting memory of doing an "aroma exposure therapy" with my aunt. She sells and does things with essential oils (to be honest I don't fully know what she does). One of these things was a "therapy" called Aroma-dome (which is a fantastic name for anything scent based) and involved smelling a bunch of different oils and then talking about any memories or feelings the smell brings up. 

    Below is a representation of me smelling my favorite scent ever. Lemons!

Week 12 Post

    This week we looked at what our physical environment can communicate about us. There sure is a lot you can learn about a person based on how they keep their environment. In this post I will be taking a look at my desk and seeing what it says about me.

    

    At first glance you can see its a lot of color. Rainbow desk mat, calendar organized by color, and stuffed animals with blues and reds and yellows. I think this is a clear reflection of how I have a desire to make things cozy with color. Monochrome palettes look unwelcoming and hard to me, so I do the opposite by having a lot of color.

    Another thing to notice is the amount of Pokemon related stuff on my desk. With both the number of items and the range of items (figures, plushies, cards both opened and still sealed), you could correctly guess that I am a big fan of the series. My favorite part is the cards and collecting them, however its a crazy expensive hobby. To motivate myself to do my work I keep my favorite card (which is worth about 210 dollars) slightly above eye level as a reminder of the kinds of cards I can get in the future if I work hard. 

    This is just the start of all the things you can learn about me from how I keep my physical environment. I would love to hear your thoughts if you feel like sharing them.