Marriage

    Marriage is something as a kid I didn't think about much, but once I turned 20 it took over my thoughts. My younger cousin was starting to talk about getting engaged to his high school sweetheart, I felt like I was behind, so clearly the thing I have to do is set up an online dating profile while he was talking. Thinking back on this event, it reminds me of the "deadline of 30" that we talked about in class. There was a pressure I created for myself that I needed to be on track to reach this milestone. But now I don't feel the same pressure that I did before. The reason I feel more relaxed is because after being in a good relationship for a while I don't feel like I need marriage to show my love and feel loved.  I would love for it to happen and I am 99.99% sure that it will happen but at this point if it happens after 30 I am ok with that. 

    Since I am talking about the theme of marriage, I just wanted to put some concerns for my future wedding out. Theme is going to be one of the hardest things to figure out because there needs to be a good balance between our hobbies and what makes sense to people outside the hobby. For example we both love Pokémon but if it was a Pokémon themed wedding, it would be confusing and unenjoyable for the people not familiar with the franchise. I also worry that it will be taken over by either what I want or what he wants. It's important to me that we share the day so that it is enjoyable for both of us. When my mom was married my dad had no input in the wedding (by his own choice) and it made her feel like she was taking over the day. I don't want that, but I am not sure when to give and when to take of what I want. 

Relational Conflict

    In this weeks class we examined relational conflict and how it can affect our relationships. While listening in class I was comparing what I heard to how I handle conflict in my relationship with my boyfriend. I am very happy say that we don't often have conflicts bad enough to stay mad at each other. We both don't want to other person to be punished for whatever the disagreement was, so we talk though the problem to figure out what when wrong, how it made us feel, and what we can do to prevent it from happening again. Doing this really helps us understand each others feelings and move past problems quickly. We don't even have to follow the rule of "don't go to bed angry" because our fights never last that long. However when we do fight its often because of money. I don't have a job and he does so I am kind of stingy and he isn't. I make a big deal about getting the cheapest grocery option when the difference between that and name brand is 50 cents. But we always talk through problems and it turns out fine in the end.  

Parents

    This week had a lot of cool insight into how relationships with parents work. I wasn't aware how common my relationship development with my mom was based on the chapter. In this post I wanted to talk my relationship with my mom and why I think it developed the way it did.

    Starting with my relationship, I am more friends with my mom. Thinking about why this happened I think it started around 2015 or 2016 when my mom got cancer. I think this was the time that she stopped thinking of me as a kid and rather a teen with mature thoughts and emotions. She didn't have many close friends at the time so she needed a friend more than a worried daughter, so that when the relationship changed. We spent most of her treatment times joking around and trying to just find something fun or funny about the situation. After the cancer was gone our relationship stayed the same. Until I started dating I would talk with her everyday and play video games (animal crossing and Stardew valley) together when I was away at school. We are fairly close now and openly talk about things from medical issues, job/school drama (I know ALL about her complex relationship with her boss), family events, and even sexual topics (I have issues with that sometimes and its nice to have someone to talk about those issues with). After dating (and taking on a full load of classes) I don't talk to her as much, but normally it's one or two times a week for an hour to three hours. 

(Our favorite villagers from animal crossing. Hers is apple mine is coco)